I Started My Day In My Backyard In My Underwear…

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Okay, I don’t want to gross anyone out. But, it’s for the sake of conservation. Lil baby toads fall into our pool/if I don’t get out there asap in the am, they end up all puffy and stiff. Not the way I want to start my day.

The good in all this isn’t just my efforts to “save the toads”. I’m out of bed! Not only out of bed, but doing normal mom things. Laundry, taking oldest daughter to get root canal and talking to oldest daughter that if she gets a facial piercing she’ll be grounded for life. I’ve loosened up on her ears.

It’s no med. that has helped with the depression. I’m on the same stuff. All I have added is OM3 fish oil. Has anyone heard of this brand? I, also, have been eating healthier. Not much sugar/trying to go organic. And, finally, sticking to a boring bed time-in bed by 9pm-10pm the latest. Yes, even on the weekends. My therapist had been urging me to do this/I have read that sleep is very important for BP’s. Now, on some nights I don’t sleep as well as others. I wake up too early or I wake in the middle of the night. I just pray that I go back to sleep/try not to get worked up about it. If I get bent out of shape, I really will be awake.

But this hurricane crap is putting a dent in my catching some sun. It’s been about 5 days of cloudy rainy days. It’s seriously getting on my nerves. I’m so afraid that depression is going to come back-I’m one of those people that hates winter/I live outside of Houston, Texas. We have no winter compared to most states! I need my sun. Not that I want a tan. NO-too vain-causes wrinkles. But, I need to swim and soak up some vitamin D.

UGH! It’s raining right now! I need an indoor sun room. dayroom. Like on True Blood-looks all sunny, but fake.


Therapy Today-He’s a He/Buff!


I see my therapist today. No anxiety about it-now. But, he has 2 offices. I have to drive to the farther office. So, usually that makes me anxious. A lot of traffic and road rage(others). I’ll have to take extra clonazepam. In the past, I’ve done it-my tolerance to the drug is so high-been on it for years. And my tolerance is low for extra anxiety.

But, as far as the session goes, I like therapy/I like my therapist. He’s great. Well, not all the time. Or it wouldn’t be therapy. He’s pissed me of in the past. But, I just told him about it/we worked it out. Very cool. He’s older than I am-but no fossil-he’s a good looking man. In the beginning , his looks/he’s buff, concerned me. I thought, ” shit, am I going to be attracted to this man?” Major obstacle! I mean less than 1/3 of people get anything out of therapy/if I want to have sex with my therapist-Forget It. I’d have to find another doc..

Ended up, my feelings for him are like the wise cousin I never had-not old enough to be my father. We have therapeutic chemistry. He and I have talked about that-our chemistry. But, thank God no sexual chemistry.

I’m looking forward to the session/I need to be on time! “I will be on time” , ” I will be on time.”

Damn it! “I will be on time!” I have trouble with time management. Can you tell?

But, I won’t get started about how anal I was before meds.. I was ALWAYS EARLY. Why is “normal” so hard to find? Or be?

Emailed Therapist/Mood is Okay

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I emailed my therapist about the ,” I have no identity thing.” I told him I thought he was wrong. I couldn’t have done 1/4 of what I’ve done in my life if I had low self esteem/no identity. He said sometimes he throws things out at me to see if I will prove him wrong and stand up to him. To get that “strong” person inside me to come out that’s hiding behind the depression. Tricky eh? Well, it worked. It pissed me off.

I’m sitting in bed/actually pondering going out back to sit. It’s not a gorgeous day but not horrible either.