Emailed Therapist/Mood is Okay

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I emailed my therapist about the ,” I have no identity thing.” I told him I thought he was wrong. I couldn’t have done 1/4 of what I’ve done in my life if I had low self esteem/no identity. He said sometimes he throws things out at me to see if I will prove him wrong and stand up to him. To get that “strong” person inside me to come out that’s hiding behind the depression. Tricky eh? Well, it worked. It pissed me off.

I’m sitting in bed/actually pondering going out back to sit. It’s not a gorgeous day but not horrible either.

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My Mood is Better Today. But, I Have a Headache Thanks to-

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therapist.  I thought more about it. He’s wrong. I couldn’t have done 1/4 of the things I’ve done in my life if I had no identity. Identity is tied to self esteem. I haven’t had the highest of self esteem all my life . But, by the time I was in my late 20’s I was doing pretty good with what had developed. Damn I was in law school. Not every one has the guts to do that or the ability. Already had a college degree. Maybe he was trying to get me pissed cause he knows when I get mad I tend to “snap” out of my depression. Go figure…I don’t know. But, I’m emailing him and thanking him for the headache.We have that kind of relationship.

I’m a 16 Year Old in a 45 Year Old’s Body!

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Yep!  That’s what my therapist left me with yesterday. I was told my identity was that of a 16-year-old girls. I have no true understanding of my strengths and weaknesses.  He could see my strengths/my talents…but he didn’t believe I ever had  the time to discover them.

This saddened me at first. Then it made me mad. I thought he was wrong. Then I realized that if it was pissing me off so much there must be some truth to it or it would bother me that much.

So, how in the hell am I suppose to find my identity at 45? How does that effect my depression?-further isolation? I had no identity for years and it  never bothered me before-my brain is confused enough-does it need more? I know I’m a horrible speller. There’s one weakness. How many do I need to come up with to have an identity? How many talents? 🙂

PS-smiley face is fake. I’m not feeling all chipper today. I didn’t need to hear that yesterday from my therapist. That’s why I like to see Psychiatrist first then therapist-at least i see her tomorrow.