I Moved Cyclothymia-Bipolar III Blog from Blogger-

I’ve moved my blog from Blogger to WordPress. I’m having a difficult time choosing a theme! So many-I keep trying them on like dresses. Not to mention I’ve changed my blog’s name at least twice this month. But, I  guess it’s better to get this stuff over in the beginning than in the middle etc.

No Alien Baby Burst Through Ribcage-

but my back is still very sore. I must have been having muscle spasms. Those were only happening at night. Now this soreness is constant but not nearly as intense. If it were I’d be in the ER.

Thinking about the first book I’m going to write . And the title. Basic plot. While reading books. Plus reading about writing books. Oh? could I be hypomanic? No. My bathing still sucks. Who knows. But, my dogs like me a lot.

No Alien Baby Birth!

No alien baby birth or rather I felt no alien baby birth might happen last night! I’m just sore from the other nights. So, 225 mg is all my body can handle of Effexor/all it should handle really. But, it’s weird about the severe cramping on my side.

No Stomach Virus. Too Much Effexor?

Oh! I have never had stomach and side cramping like this in my life. I felt like I was going to have an alien burst through my side at any moment ! I haven’t been able to sleep for nights. Called my Psychiatrist and she said to go back to my original dose of effexor and see what happens. I hope the pain doesn’t come back tonight because that could mean it maybe something other than my medication. YIKES! But, by noon the pain is almost all gone. And it happens after I take my effexor before I go to bed. So, I’m desperately trying to convince myself that it’s the effexor. Can you tell?

My Mood-Cyclothymia Gets Better. Then I Get Sick.

That’s my luck. I felt crappy since Sunday with a stomach virus. I’m hoping today I will feel better…damn wasting a good mood on feeling sick.
Husband still has had no job interviews. Even though he has several head hunters helping him etc..

Maybe I’ll be up to posting more later…still sicky.

I’ve Been Trying To Find Movies and Books on Cyclothymia.

But, I guess it’s so rare and so boring compared to you bipolar I and II ya’ll steal the limelight! For one, the name.  Cyclothymia. Sounds like a venereal disease! Couldn’t they just go with bipolar III?

Then, our hypo-mania amounts to a little extra happiness with dashes of crankiness/irritability. If we experience depression, some of the lucky ones don’t ( OMG, I wish I were one of those blessed individuals!) it usually is the worst of our symptoms. So, what kind of boring movie would that make? To top it off the disease is rare. So, everyone in the theatre would be looking at themselves going what in the hell does this person have? Chlamydia? or a mental disorder or what? It would bomb.

Famous People with Bipolar Disease

 I have the least serious of the bipolar disorders. These people have or had the more serious bipolar I or bipolar II disorder. The list is very long, however I only included  people I particularly admire.
Tim Burton
Linda Hamilton
Robert Downey Jr.( Oh! Iron Man. He’s awesome)
Ben Stiller
Jim Carey
Robin Williams
Sting
Ted Turner
Francis Ford Coppola
Winston Churchill
Mark Twain
Theodore Roosevelt, President of the United States
Tennessee Williams
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Charles Dickens

What To Do If You Have A Panic Attack- If Narky, Feed Profusely

If you have problems with anxiety attacks or you just want to be prepared in case- you must read the latest post  If Narky, Feed Profusely she describes perfectly how an anxiety attack feels like(because she’s just had one). Then, goes through the steps to calm herself down so she can continue to go to work! Yes work! I don’t know about you, but I would’ve been taking my clonazepam and boohooin all the way home. Wait a minute, I can’t work. I’ve only been properly diagnosed for 4 months or so. But, still her story is very impressive.

Third Day of Feeling Pretty Good-No Depression

I’m hoping this is the beginning of a period of contentment. I’ve been due one of those for a while. Not to mention my family.

Plus, the topamax has helped me lose a lot of weight that abilfy made me gain. So, I feel good about that too.

Some Great Videos On lonely wallflower’s Blog

I’ve read books about famous actresses-Patty Duke- and her battle with  bipolar illness. I’ve read about the genius psychiatrist Kay Redfield Jamison and her personal war and ultimate beats the disease. These books and books like these are helpful. But, I have a hard time relating to them in one way. The people are far different than me. First, our diseases are different. So, my experiences have been different. Plus, I’m not rich nor did I go to med school etc..

That’s why these videos are so great. They’re told by an actor who was once on the show Bones. And his experience I could relate to more and he goes through what all he had to deal with before he reached a state of no highs and no lows. Not to be disrespectful to him. But, he’s not been to Harvard…he didn’t have some snobby way about him. He was very down to earth. Someone I could relate to and I felt very good after seeing those videos. I felt hopeful. We hear so much of people struggling and rarely do people come out to tell there story who have won the struggle. Maybe they’re afraid of the stress of people finding out and then it could trigger an episode. I don’t know.

But,thanks again lonely wallflower’s blog for posting those videos.

Aderrall, ADHD Drugs Long Term Effect Warning

In Scientific American Mind July/Augus2009 there was a study cited and boy did it hit home for me. And clarify how I felt Adderall had changed my brain and why it is hard for me to feel joy.

Scientists found that ADHD drugs and cocaine work similarly in the brain. Cocaine remodeled users brains. Scientists concluded that similar problems-principally experiencing joy and excitement in life could occur after many years of Adderall or Ritalin use.

This is probably why I can’t seem to kick that last 15 mg of Adderall. If I try, I go into a deep depression. I’m not on the higher dose Adderall  horrid Dr. Katic had me taking. But, I have to live with the effects of having been on the wrong medicine for many years. ( I was misdiagnosed for years)

Beautiful Day-I’m Outside-But Husband Irritating

I’ll focus on the weather/my writing/ignore my husband. He did just get laid off again. So, he has a right to be annoying.

It’s odd, I can’t watch movies about people who are depressed. But I can read books about them. I have no idea why there’s the difference. It turns out good. I need to and do read books written by people who were depressed etc..

I plan to write several books. As many as it takes to get published and have a successful one.Not all about mental illness. One reason I write for Helium.com- for practice.

Changing The Title of Blog Again…

Hopefully, I’ll be happy with this one.

Why The Poem? The Begining of My Stress Overload

When I think back to my hypo mania it just didn’t stop suddenly. There were little cracks in time that started to happen. My smile and perky personality wasn’t as consistent. My break up with this man was devastating. It certainly put cracks up in that wall holding back the depression. I would feel it, but at the time I’m not sure if I was aware of what I was feeling. Busy with my kids. I was always tired. But, I never got over the breakup with this man. I don’t understand why. I’ve had many other break ups since. All forgotten. Some I can’t even remember their names. Sometimes I think that’s awful.This man is different. I guess because I loved him. And, he was a free spirit and we packed a lot of memories into a short period of time. And who can resist a man who’s part italian? He was so affectionate. I’m stopping myself.

The point is that this was the beginning of the end of my happy hypo-mania and slow decent into depression. This was one of the most stressful things I had to go through. It was more stressful than my divorce.

I  thought the quickest way to mend a broken heart was to find a new love interest. Boy, this wasn’t the best plan. Too much for a blog. That ‘ll go into on of my books.

Now for Something Completely Different-Wrote This Today

 What Happened Lover?

Heard about you long before
We met.  I saw  you.
Asked, “is that him?”

Exchanging  glances
Picking  up my daughter.
Felt you were shy.
But confused  why.

Gorgeous accent, slim, handsome(to me)
Always smiling, art teacher, talent.
Did I say darkly handsome?

Infinite glances exchanged,
My patience  spent.
I had to know where the
Story was to go.

One deep breath I took.
I dialed the school .
Were you available ?
I heard your voice, I thought
How at 40 could I feel this way?
I managed to get out the words,
“Would you like to meet for coffee?”
You agreed.

Coffee turned to dinner.
Dinner turned to kisses.
The passion in the kisses
Insured the mutual depth of feeling.
No memory as a young
Lover of having passion like that night.
Pulsating within my being.
We spent more time
Together. Not only was
There passion.
The sight of each other
Lit us up like the sun.
No matter the time, the day or the place.

I must confess.
His smile was contagious.
Never saw him without.
Except when I made him angry.

Greeting him at school.
Seems like yesterday.
Always a smile, “hello beautiful”, a kiss.

Moved in together
Beginning of the end?
Still the passion.

Living together brings
Practicalities that interfere with
Love and passion.

Money  generous in his hands.
His hands were greasy.
Took from me without a care.
Thoughts came to me-
I lit him up not out of love
But by being the way
He could get away
From his controlling
Mother?

Once secured in my home,
He  did whatever
He pleased.

Forgive me readers.
I’m simplifying matters.
This love affair was complicated
Beyond compare
Too much for one to write.

First, my lover, as a child, suffered
In a far a way land abuses
No child  should  ever suffer.
Locked in closets, thrown
From a window…

Me…misdiagnosed with wrong
Mental illness.
Plagued with mood swings.
Proper diagnosis-Cyclothymia, Bipolar

Maybe, we were lucky to
Have had a love affair at all.

Or maybe I should look upon him as
A con man or a user to rid myself of
Of this painful memory.
Upon our break up he said
He wanted me to think of him everyday.
He never wanted me back.
He wanted to torture me with memories.

Sounds like a con man, not a loving
Man.
I know what happened
Lover.

By Trish Austin
Copyright 2010

The Added Effexor …Feeling Better

Maybe placebo effect, but I don’t care I feel better today than I have in 2 weeks. Been reading some good books too. Making me thankful I live in 2010 and not in the 60′s where all the treatment they had for people like us was electric shock therapy. Not that they don’t do that today. But, that’s not considered the first treatment option. Yikes!

Just finished The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath excellent/a quick read.

No Didn’t Make It, But Spoke To Psychiatrist

Didn’t make it to get my driver’s license renewed. Oh well another day soon. ( preferably before I get a ticket) I spoke to my psychiatrist and she added some Effexor to my regime of pills. I really like her, but she’s moving on to research or teaching. I hated my other Psychiatrist. I must clarify. I didn’t hate him the whole time. But, when I found out how weird he could behave and I was the one that was mentally ill/he miss diagnosed me…I reported him to the medical board. Oh! Did I hear some one out there ask what his name is? No problem…Dr. Alain Katic his office is in the Heights in Houston Texas.

Anyway enough about  jerkoff. I’ll miss my current Dr.. She’s so smart/caring/listens/dresses very fashionably…not stuffy lol  She’ll be a tough act to follow.

I see my therapist today. So, it looks like I’ll have a date with the shower. I felt better yesterday. I went out back and read. Usually seeing my therapist motivates me to do things I otherwise wouldn’t do…he makes me laugh/he tries to straighten my crooked thinking out.

I Have To Go Get Driver’s License Renewed

Will I be able to do it? I feel like such an ass for writing that headline. I hardly drive. I don’t go any where. Since this so called depression that “doesn’t interfere with your daily living” hit me.I’m hardly living. Thank God for my husband. Most men would have left me by now.

Found Good Information On Cyclothymia

Great place to start your search on gathering information about cyclothymia or bipolar III. There are 100′s of articles. None too long or too scientific. But, all based on good sources.

Cyclothymia 1% of American Sufferers Guess Not Enough

I guess over 1 million sufferers isn’t enough get researchers to research the disease. Or get people to write about it. I have been looking for days every where on the web and I find tons of information about bipolar I and II. But, they glaze over cyclothymia. One site did mention that we’re high risk for suicide. I suddenly perked up and thought, yeah now that’s pretty serious, but nothing else was mentioned. Can you believe that? Someone writes that and doesn’t elaborate on it. Yeah, we’re prone to suicide because we’re suppose to be the mild bipolar, the easy disease. That’s shit. It’s because they don’t do any studies on the disease to know the truth. This disease in my experience is no easy disease. I’m suppose to have depression that isn’t debilitating. I have depression now on meds that is interfering with my functioning. My mild happy moods have never been seen for a year. But the depression keeps coming back for regular visits/not for a few days.

Maybe I need to give my meds a longer time to work. It hasn’t been a month. But, it’s weird how your brain reacts to a med one time and then over years it changes. Like Effexor. That stuff use to make me so tired. Now it doesn’t at all.  I know that was random. But this is my blog. I can be random if I want .